Wednesday, May 8, 2013

the birds and the bees and a conversation about love

Daddy and I knew that the birds and the bees talk must happen, though we never discussed when. A few weeks ago, a conversation occurred that told us we are actually pretty late. 

Big M: Daddy, if I have 2 tamed wolves (in a computer game called Minecraft) were to breed, would the baby be a tamed wolf also.

Daddy: What do you know about breeding?

Big M: Well you and Mommy  bred and made me!

Oh boy. Daddy and I discussed and I knew for a fact that most books started much younger than 8 years old, and yes, we're much too late. Thankfully, some friends recommended books and Daddy bought them straight away.

The books were broken down into ages, starting from age 4, then age 8 and older, and 10 and older. The one for age 4 alone showed a lot of pictures and information. The age 8 one, well... we know he has to know these things, but woooweeee!

We told Big M we got the books and we explained that we needed to read them together, and then discuss. He was fine with it. The next day, when we came down for breakfast, Big M was already down and said he is almost done with the book. WHAT?!  We're not quite prepared for that fact, but be that as it may, we are willing to answer questions. And there were questions. They didn't come all once though, they trickled down over 2-3 days.

Some amusing questions that I addressed myself, were:

"Do you have to take your underwear for that?"
"How many times do people have to have sex before they make a baby?
"Do you and Daddy have sex everyday?"

Daddy was not yet home when these questions came, so I answered them all in all seriousness. I have told Daddy that no matter what the questions were, we would address them. So I did. The conversation became hushed, as Big M new his sisters shouldn't know about these things yet. So we cuddled in the couch and I talked, and talked, and talked. In the back of my mind, I thought I'd better insert what the purpose is of sex so I managed to squeeze in diseases and religion to our discussion. I must say, it was a great conversation. 

I was able to emphasize that sex is something very special between 2 people who love each other. I was able to use our marriage as an example, and that the parents of friends that hew knew are "banana split".  Big M was very receptive, and his maturity was astounding. 

On a different day, he asked Daddy why some people we know have been married several times. Daddy was not quite as experienced toning down his thinking to suit an 8 year old, so he said "when you're older you would understand." With our boy, this is not a sufficient answer. If his questions are to be satisfied and not to be asked repeatedly, he needs satisfactory answers. So Daddy and I together addressed the idea of love. I told Big M that love is like planting a seed (he is quite a nature lover so I knew he would understand this). The seed needs work in order to grow and be healthy. He cannot put a seed down and leave it alone and expect it to be a nice healthy tree when he checks on it months later.  We told him that it must be watered, the soil must be tended to, the weeds pulled, and it needs constant attention in order to grow. Some people go into marriage not aware of such hard work and when the seed doesn't grow, and start to die, it becomes too late for it to thrive and some people give up. He understands this for now, and what he doesn't understand I'm sure he would ask us about months or  years later.

Daddy and I told him that though Mommy and Daddy have been married a very long time, we still need to work. We fight (and yes, the kids have seen us fight) and yell, but they also see us make up and hug. Big M said we do fight but it's not common. 

This is a lot of talk, but whatever he does or doesn't understand just yet, we know we're laying out a pretty good ground work. Big M knows that should he have any questions at all that we would do our best to answer them all. Now we need just need to do this exact same thing 3 more times.

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